July 16, 2022 -Durt Fibo

August, 1947: Joseph Manchin III born with great groans.
1965: Manchin enters West Virginia University on football scholarship. Sees “Peanuts” cartoon in which Lucy pulls a football away from Charlie Brown, loses his position on the football team. Believes he received B.A. in 1970.
1982: Proudly eschewing the political connections of his grandfather, father and uncle (mayor, mayor, legislator, Secretary of State, state Treasurer), Manchin finds himself elected to the West Virginia House of Delegates (legislature), adjacent to the House of Pancakes,
1986: Is miraculously elected to West Virginia Senate.
1988: While still in the state Senate, Manchin forms Enersystems from alphabet cookies his friends and colleagues donated. The company brokers waste coal sales.
1989-2021: Manchin accrues $1,235,327 from PACs and individuals, according to the Federal Election Commission.
1996: Believes he is running for governor of West Virginia, but loses primary despite a platform against abortion and for the death penalty and boot camps for juvenile offenders.
2002: Unexpectedly elected West Virginia’s secretary of state. Claims to turn control of Enersystems over to some kid named Joseph Manchin IV.
2005: Unbelievably elected governor, but only in West Virginia. Announces he has put his Enersystems shares in an arrangement only blind people would trust.
2010: Campaigns against president Obama’s greenhouse gas control cap-and-trade bill. Elected Senator-for-Life.
2011–2020: Manchin earns a total of $5,211,154 in dividend income from Enersystems.
2013: Sees television for the first time. Embarks on slut-shaming it.
2014: Manchin and one brother both sued by his other brother Darryl for civil conspiracy, breach of contract, constructive fraud, and non-repayment of a $1.7 million loan he gave them in the late 80s to save their magic carpet business.
2015: Other brother Darryl suddenly drops his lawsuit against Manchin and his brother, then is never heard from again. No public explanation given.
2017: Manchin brags to media: “I’ve had more personal time with Trump in two months than I had with Obama in eight years.”
2017-2021: Votes to confirm President Trump appointees including Jeff Sessions, Nikki Haley, Steven Mnuchin, Scott Pruitt, Elaine Chao, Rex Tillerson, Neil Gorsuch, and Brett Kavanaugh.
2021-2022: Manchin becomes top US Senate beneficiary of monies from the following industries: Coal, Mining, Natural gas (transmission and distribution), Oil and Gas, Savings and Loans, and Tobacco. He is the number two recipient from Alternate Energy Sources, and the number three winner for the categories of Defense Aerospace, and Electric Utilities. All data according to the Federal Election Commission.
Feb. 2, 2021: Senate debates President Biden’s American Rescue Plan Act. To prevent the expiration of existing programs, Senate Democrats attempt to pass the act via budget resolution, which would eliminate the need for Republican votes. Manchin objects to costs and categories.
Feb 3, 2021: Becomes chair of the Senate Committee on Energy and Natural Resources.
March 5, 2021: Manchin ‘unexpectedly’ raises last-minute opposition to unemployment benefits clause, igniting ‘negotiations’. The next day he agrees to support a Republican version, which reduces both amount and duration of payments.
March 11, 2021: American Rescue Plan Act signed into law by Biden.
March 24, 2021: Manchin calls for “enormous” infrastructure package.
April 29, 2021: Manchin’s wife is nominated by Biden as federal co-chair of the Appalachian Regional Commission.
October 2021: President Biden announces his Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act, part of his Build Back Better program.
Nov 2021: Manchin delays process, suddenly demands a Congressional Budget Office score before making up his mind on the IIJA.
Nov. 2021: Manchin rejects provisions of the IIJA.
Nov. 2021 IIJA passes senate vote, signed into law by Biden.
Dec. 2021: Manchin publicly declares he will not support the remaining parts of the Build Back Better Act.
Jan. 2022: Manchin suddenly believes he is negotiating with President Biden and other Democratic party members on the coming Build Back Better Act.
January 8, 2022: Manchin ends negotiations and announces himself against the Build Back Batter Act, including the alternative proposal he himself had presented to the White House in December 2021.
Feb 2022: Manchin convinces Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer that it will be a hoot to negotiate details of the coming Build Back Better Act.
July 14, 2022: Manchin craters the Democrats’ last attempt to vote on the Build Back Better Act by publicly refusing to support all clean energy provisions of the proposed bill.