REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FACING PRISON -AGAIN

January 17, 2023 -Durt Fibo

As part of their foolproof plan to shotgun the nation with MAGA zealots in last November’s general midterm elections, the Republican party selected and ran an ex-convict (over six years in prison for larceny, burglary, receiving stolen goods and contributing the the delinquency of a minor) as their candidate for New Mexico’s District 14 State House Representative. To their embarrassment, and to his own incredulous fury, Solomon Peña lost, by 48 percentage points.

Last night Peña was by arrested by a SWAT team in Albuquerque for orchestrating a conspiracy to carry out drive-by shootings at the homes of two county commissioners and two state legislators, during which bullets tore through the bedroom of one state senator’s 10-year-old daughter. Not one to be ground down by defeat, Peña began summoning up his post-November inner resources by first refusing to concede his loss, then, according to Deputy Police Commander Kyle Hartsock, paid cash to 4 men who used stolen vehicles in fusillading his perceived enemies, while Pena himself “pulled the trigger” in at least one of the shootings. The attacks began in early December and continued up through the 3^rd of this month.

Peña’s dedication to the MAGA cause was rewarded by police identifying him as the central suspect after scouring cellphone and vehicle records, grilling witnesses and analyzing bullet casings at the scene of the final shooting -some of which matched a handgun found in a car actually registered to Peña himself.