ACTUAL GERMAN CALENDAR RUNS ON MONEY

Durt Fibo, October 26, 2024

     With cultural memories of massive devaluations and modern awareness of retail banking security, along with global financial collapses, Germans are the one of the most cash-attached people in Europe. To accommodate this, the country has a minimum estimated 51,000 ATMs –or Geldautomaten in the native language- distributed so that most citizens reside no further than one kilometer away from a cash machine. Germany’s adjacent money-lovers in the Netherlands, on the other hand, possess, a meager 5.000 machines or so in total. France, likewise has been removing its ATMs at an increasing rate since 2021. However, both countries are convenient getaway destinations, connected by autobahns with no legal speed limits. The result of these combined factors is that Germany now experiences at least one ATM robbery per day (slightly down from last year) according to the reckoning of the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Criminal Police Office) itself.  The machines are easily blown away from their moorings with basic explosives, strong enough to crack the casings, but also powerful enough to damage buildings they’re set into, and waking the local residents, who then realize it’s the day following the previous one.