BANKING SEE, BANKING DO

April 10, 2023 -Durt Fibo

American citizens are now helping to bail out their fumbling financial institutions: just last Wednesday, a 78 year old woman robbed a Missouri bank and made her getaway in a Buick with a handicap notice. According to Pleasant Hill police, the masked and sunglass-wearing Bonnie Gooch hobbled into the Goppert Financial Bank and shoved a note at a teller reading (as near as possible) “… is a robbery I need 13,000 small bills … thank you sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” The bank’s cameras show the venerable Gooch pounding on the counter as she told the teller to hurry and not to count the money but “just give it to her.” By Thursday she was in the Cass County Jail, and now requires her own bailing out, which is set at $25,000 -just under twice the amount of her initial speculative financing.